I Think I Feel…
Captain Ron’s VIEW FROM THE BRIDGE
October 2009
NBC News Reporter Edwin Newman once wrote a book called Strictly Speaking. Its subtitle was perhaps more interesting and more indicative of both Newman’s purpose in writing and his greatest pet peeve: “Will America Be the Death of English?” Newman, now 90, has been retired from broadcasting for almost 25 years officially but his life’s passion for accurate speech lives on in me. The unspoken word has been my life and livelihood since entering the ministry in 1980. It has been my passion since learning of the power of words, thanks to high school writing teacher, Mary Kay Smith.
One of the most common misuses of words (arguably) occurs when we speak of what we ‘feel’ when we ought to be speaking of what we ‘think.’ We have become abusers of the “F” word, so to speak. For example, this morning someone said to me, “I feel that we should buy a new chair for the office.” The use of the word, ‘feel,’ indicates that there is an emotion attached to the issue of buying a new chair. In fact it was a logical decision based on a thought process resulting in a judgment about purchasing the chair. It would be more correct to say, “I judge that we need to purchase a new chair,” or “I believe that it is time to buy a new chair.”
When we use the word, “feel,” the very next word in the sentence should be a word that describes or refers to the feeling. There are hundreds of words describing feelings in the English language. In my office are two cute laminated charts sporting variances on the happy face theme, each bearing its own descriptive word. Generally, however, many of the words come under the general categories of (a) sad, (b) angry, (c) happy, (d) afraid or (e) numb. For example, “I think it is time to buy a new chair but I feel anxious when I look at the budget.” “I feel satisfied with my new car and I judge it was a good decision.” The word after ‘feel’ is a feeling word. If the word you tend to use after ‘feel’ is ‘that’ or ‘like,’ you probably should be using ‘think’ or ‘believe’ or ‘judge.’
I wonder if it stems from our inability to make decisions based on mental processes informed by emotion. Decisions made primarily or solely based on how we feel about something are most likely to be decisions we will regret. Decisions made with an awareness of our feelings but mostly out of a logical thought process will, in the end, be better decisions. Sales people know this. They will often press for a quick decision when the customer is in ‘good feeling mode.’ “Can’t you see yourself in the driver’s seat of this beautiful car? Won’t your friends envy you when they see you in it?” If they can get us out of mental mode into emotional mode, we are now hooked waiting to be reeled in. The best purchases are made after sleeping on it. This means agreeing ahead of time not to make a major purchase on the day you first look. I judge you will make better decisions if you are able to do this and I hope you will feel satisfied with your choice long after the purchase.
A recent television commercial encouraged me within the first few seconds but by the end its writers had fallen into the same trap. “Some medicines only make you feel better, but [our product] actually makes you better.” Cut to live person saying, “I’ve been taking it a week and I feel better.” While the word ‘feel’ was followed by a descriptive word (better), the ad nonetheless used doublespeak. It criticized other products for only making you feel better, then had a live person saying she felt better after taking their product.
Is this really a big deal? Does it really matter if we confuse ‘think’ and ‘feel?’ It matters to those who would turn us into objects to manipulate. The overuse of ‘feel’ indicates we may be losing the battle. Somewhere there is a place for the proper use of language. It safeguards us in more ways than we know.
Rev. Ron Jetter, Executive Director Lower Valley Hospice and Palliative Care